I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Where is the hickey?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
