I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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