I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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