i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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