You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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