We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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