how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
