Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
