I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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