Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
a search helicopter?!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
