I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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