Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
