I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
