So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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