So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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