Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
