mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
