you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
