you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
