Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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