____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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