goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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