Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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