I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
