i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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