Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
