What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
