I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
