I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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