On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
