he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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