i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I know her cup size but not her name....
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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