i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How does one acquire holy water?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
