I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
