the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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