watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
