office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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