hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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