last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
