i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The air taste purple.
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