We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
