how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
