I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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