Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
