Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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