The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
