The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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