She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
