I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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