im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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