He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
