Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
