she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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