woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
we're so committed to being not committed
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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