Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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