the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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