Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am never drinking with the goths again.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
