we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize