I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
