I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
