I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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