alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
