ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
