Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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