I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
