either way he was missing a nipple.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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