apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
