She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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