i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
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so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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