i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
