Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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