So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
