Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
