u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
