thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
