i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
